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Children Need a Martha Mom "What Chocolate Chips, Mom?"
I remember one day last week. Not only did I have the usual piano and violin lessons in the afternoon, but I also had a soccer game and a play practice. On top of this I still had others who needed a ride home from school. Dinner had to be served— after all, you can’t eat pizza every night for dinner. Add to the mix a sick 10 year old. And this was just the after school time. Forget this Mary business! I had too much to do. Besides the obvious time spent in the car, I also had to worry about soccer cleats, music teacher payments, homework to finish, children’s Tylenol, and making a salad among many, many other things. Moms today need to be concerned about the “dishes.” How else would our families survive? We all know this—and that is why you are reading this book isn’t it?
This mom business is serious work. And we can add to that the other work of women. This could be her job, her volunteer work, her care of her aging parents, her special needs child, her work for the church, the care of her spouse, (sometimes labeled her “oldest” child), or many other demands and needs. I remember talking to a woman once after my seminar who had 2 small children. She seemed amazed that I could get so much done and wanted me to walk her minute by minute through my day. She assumed I got up at daybreak, scrubbed the floors, did laundry and cooked everyone breakfast! I told her that nowadays I usually slept in until almost 8:00 because by then almost everyone had their own breakfast and was on their way to school! She was shocked. I shared with her that I remembered those days of babies and toddlers, though. Taking care of them is truly a full time job. Mothers of young ones please don’t ever feel that you don’t have very much on your plate. Trust me. It is full.
These Martha tasks which moms have to complete are usually harder work than those of a “regular” full-time job. My neighbor who has a “regular” job commented to me that she was anxious to get back to work after a maternity leave because she needed a vacation! And moms who take their vocation of motherhood seriously certainly can concede to this.
This is why I spend so much time at my seminar sharing tips on how to get these things done. But motherhood is more than just survival! Let’s not forget that there are little people involved.
Children Need a Mary Mom, too
Have you ever had a schedule planned for a busy day? I have. I had it all planned out. This was the day when I was going to be so disciplined and follow my schedule. What joy it would be after following my set schedule for several days when I would have so much accomplished! But obviously nobody shared this schedule with the kids. I mean I showed it to them, but it must not have sunken in. Especially the 2 year old. What was he thinking? While I was in the shower, he decided to make another peanut butter toast like he had just finished eating. He had learned the very useful skill of sliding chairs around in order to get at whatever he wanted. And although I was glad he didn’t bother to toast his bread, he had spread peanut butter on not only the bread, not only the counter, not only the bread bag, but also himself—hair and all. But wait, a bath wasn’t on the schedule for this morning. We had to quickly get dressed for an errand I had to get done that morning for something I needed that afternoon. Well, needless to say, I had to change my schedule and take time for the bath. You all could probably top this story, it happens all the time to some degree. That is the nature of children, especially toddlers who can’t read the schedule. But wait, I want to add teenagers to that, too. Although they can indeed “read” the schedule, they tend to interpret it in their own creative ways.
It’s at times like this that is obvious that we can’t take a Martha only approach to parenting. I mean that we have to give our children the direct attention that they need. Like Mary in the story, we are choosing the better part. The dishes will wait while we tend to our children. What I really want to emphasize here is being Mary to our children when it isn’t as obvious as a greasy peanut butter Mohawk. You know what I mean. You are sitting at your desk reading emails when your 8 year-old insists on telling you something about a story he wrote in school. He goes on and on, and you smile, and nod your head although you don’t really hear very much about what he is saying. Or like this, you are driving in the car listening to some news story on the radio while your daughter is telling you some antics about her friend’s friend’s boyfriend, and again you nod and smile. Or more. . .It’s 7:00 and dinner’s done. Your 5 year old wants to play Candyland. What do you say, “I am sorry, honey, but I have to finish this last load of laundry.”
Do you get my drift? We all do this far too much. Sure, there are legitimate reasons to have to finish an email, or hear a story on the news, or even get a load of laundry done, but we live in a society of Marthas that constantly have to get things done instead of paying attention to the people that are in our lives. It’s the workaholic, industrious American way. Not that there is anything wrong with hard work, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of not paying attention to the human beings in our lives. Granted, our society has benefited from all of this hard work. We are very rich materially. However, I really question how wealthy we are spiritually, emotionally, and socially. The things that bring us true happiness.
But enough preaching platitudes. I am not trying to solve the big problems of society by giving this message. Instead, I am taking the grassroots approach. “Changing the world one diaper at a time” as seen on a bumper sticker. And I am starting with me and my family. Won’t you join me?
Children, actually all human beings, need to have direct personal interactions with others. They need to be looked at with the eyes of someone who cares deeply for them. Without this we humans will wither.
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