As many of you know, I’ve coined the term, “Smart Martha,” as a way to describe what all of us mother’s are constantly trying to do with our families—balance the “non-tangible” duties that moms need to do with the busy work we all have to accomplish. Like the Martha in the Bible, we need to spend time with Jesus and the people in our lives, as well as get those dishes done. Christmas is simple but rich in tradition. If there is ever a time when we need “Smart Martha” it is now during this holiday season. We really want our Christmas to be special and meaningful for our families, but we all know that this takes some planning, and yes, some busy work! We want simple, but we also want rich in tradition. Here are just a few ideas that I have tried which seem to help me find that delicate balance. 1) Try to observe Advent. I know this is hard with the rest of society around us going holiday wild, but there are things you can do to put the focus back on the right season. For example, we save those TV Christmas specials and view them after Christmas day. We wait to decorate the house until less than a week before. Those are some of our “don’ts.” Our “do’s” include a simple Advent wreath lighting and prayer at dinner, and putting up a Jesse tree ornament every day. Advent is supposed to prepare us for Christ’s coming, so we often try to add some simple activities to help us remember that. We’ll go to Mass in the evening together or say a decade of the Rosary in the evening using the joyful mysteries.
2) Celebrate the Feast Days our Church offers us during this Advent Season (And do it next year, too). The Saints always point us to Christ, so let’s celebrate their lives and examples. We celebrate the same ones every year—and do the same activities. It really builds that sense of tradition within our family and strengthens our ties to the church, our “extended” family. Doing them every year makes planning very easy. Every year we celebrate the feasts of St. Nicholas, the Immaculate Conception, St. Francis Xavier, Our Lady of Guadalupe, and St. Lucy. Our activities include service projects, videos to watch, gifts, crafts, and great food.
Smart Martha Tip: Store your Advent wreath/Jesse tree/ recipes and craft ideas folder/statues and pictures/ for all of these Advent activities in its own plastic storage bin. Label it clearly. This will be the only bin you will need to get down right after Thanksgiving.
3) Make Gift Giving Meaningful. I have gotten so bogged down with gift giving in the past that I have made 2 resolutions. First, I try to get all of my shopping done by the start of Advent. Not dragging kids through stores, not pouring through advertisements, and not feeling that extra burden helps the whole family stay focused on what’s important during Advent. And secondly, we’ve radically simplified our gift giving. We’ve done this by telling people that they didn’t need to buy a gift for us, and in turn, didn’t buy one for them. This worked well for our adult brothers and sisters. They were relieved. We also have resorted to drawing names in some cases, so we didn’t have to buy gifts for all of the cousins. Nobody wants or needs more stuff. We have used gifts offered in people’s names from charities, like Food for the Poor. We got everyone a goat this way once. For neighbors, friends, piano teacher, etc., one of our Advent activities is a day of baking. Homemade cookies are so rare these days that they are always appreciated.
The most important place to simplify gift giving is for our own children. When they come to me with the Christmas wish lists, I always jokingly pretend that I don’t know why they are asking me for something now. Did I forget they have a birthday coming? I thought just Jesus’ birthday was coming? My kids have definitely gotten the Advent/Christmas message. The other day, my Dad was watching the kids for me in the evening. They were watching “Shrek the Halls.” (Yes, I know.) I came home and watched the end with them. Shrek was trying to figure out the meaning of Christmas. According to my nine year old who blurted out, (I swear I didn’t queue him.) “That’s not the meaning of Christmas. It’s the birth of Jesus.” With some effort, our kids will get it.
We give gifts to each other as if we were giving them to Christ. With this in mind, we know that Jesus wouldn’t want a lot of money, just a lot of love in His gifts.
When it comes to getting our own children gifts, we may skimp on cash for them, but we don’t skimp on the time and effort--love-- for their gifts. As mothers, with a little creative thinking, we can find the perfect gift that will make that child say, “wow.” It may not be a ton of presents under the tree or even very much money spent, but it will be a meaningful gift they will cherish. I put together an “army gear” gift of used Army equipment from the Army/Navy store for an eight year old once. I found a Lord of the Ring’s Strider’s dagger on Ebay for one of my boys. For my daughter, when she was 6, I put together a dress-up trunk from several trips to the Goodwill store. It does get harder as the kids enter their teen years. Often I will give them cash towards something they are saving for—instead of buying the whole Ipod or guitar. We have also gotten them guitar lessons; movie tickets (with candy); specialized books or DVD’s-like Rock Climbing in North Carolina, Beatles guitar tabs, or How to Play the Drums; and movie or music posters. Fuel their passions.
Smart Martha Tip: I do shop throughout the whole year. I have a large plastic bin just for gifts in my closet. When Halloween is over and the stores are decorating for Christmas—yes, we can complain, but instead, I take that as a queue to assess the gifts that I have and start the rest of my Christmas shopping. In my planner/journal I make a list of everyone I need to shop for, what I have for them so far, and ideas for what I would like to get them. While writing this down, I also add to my shopping list-- purple and pink candles for my Advent wreath.
Christ will bless all of our efforts no matter how pathetic or grand if we do them with much love! What do we have to lose?
Here is an easy Advent prayer to say at your meals when you light your candles. We say it instead of the traditional grace during Advent.
Leader: Come Lord Jesus
All: Come quickly
Leader: Blessed are you, Oh, God, in the darkness and the light.
Blessed are you in this food and in our sharing.
Blessed are you as we wait in joyful hope of the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ!
All: For the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours now and forever. Amen.